Don’t fall for the guru’s tricks of courses they want you to spend thousands of dollars for, or books that spend 50 pages before they even tell you their first piece of advice, come learn from someone who has actually done it!
From toxic relationships, unhealthy ways of thinking and drowning in debt, to thriving on my own, (almost) debt free and with a much better mindset, here are 5 tips that helped me get here.
1: The Four Agreements
The Four Agreements is a book that I truly believe everyone should read. The four agreements are,
“Be impeccable with your word”
“Don’t take anything personally”
“Don’t make assumptions”
“Always do your best”
I won’t go too much more into what each of these mean as I am not the author of the book, however, you can purchase the book on Amazon here. I highly recommend this book to anyone at any point in their healing journey. It holds a lot of advice and knowledge that if everyone in the world truly listened to, I think the world would not only be a much better place, but we might all be just a little bit happier.
I know for me personally, “don’t take anything personally” is the hardest agreement to wrap my had around. It’s so hard to take every small detail about an interaction personally. Something that has helped me with this a lot is whenever I start to feel like maybe someone is mad at me for just existing, or they have an attitude and I can’t seem to figure out what I’ve done wrong I remind myself that you don’t know what’s going on in their life and they could be having a bad day or going through a hard time right now.
You can get your own copy of this amazing book on amazon here. This link will bring you to my list of my favorite self improvement books that I believe everyone should read.
2: Your new life will cost you your old one
This is a saying that I heard ALOT when I was going through figuring out my next steps in life. I felt lost, confused, scared… I was leaving the only comfort I had ever known in my adult life because I realized how much it was holding me back and how badly it was hurting me. Long story short, i was in a relationship for around 3.5yrs that was not very healthy. We had a house fire in December 2023, which then caused us to be homeless for 10 days before finally finding a house, then after this I went through the worst mental health of my life for about the next 3 months. I ended up being 302d (basically I had to go to the mental hospital weather I wanted to or not)
I knew exactly what I didn’t like about this life. I could see the issues, I was just too scared to admit it, too scared to be alone. But then, I started getting signs I couldn’t ignore. Those signs were..
1- One day I was pumping gas thinking about leaving, how I would do it and where I would go. While I’m standing at the pump, a lady comes up to the other side and says “Hey, do you want to run away with me? Just go. be adults somewhere else?” – odd timing.
2- I was at lunch at our graduation lunch before the ceremony. While I was in the bathroom, I was thinking about leaving. Specifically, I was thinking about what I would do with my snakes when i left because they weren’t legal in all states. When I got back to the table I was told that the person that had been caring for our reptiles just said that most of the snakes had died, including the snakes I was just trying to figure out what I should do with. It was a very weird feeling. Sad, but relieved.
3- On the day of graduation, I had texted my mentor asking if she had a room available still and I explained a bit of what was happening. I then unsent it because I din’t want to do that to her that day as she had 2 classes graduating. A few days later, I woke up and just had the strongest feeling that I needed to ask again right now. I did, she told me her mom just died this morning and that this feels like a sign to help me.
If it wasn’t for all of these things happening, I’m not sure if I ever would have really gotten rid of my old life. I was so scared of being alone that I would rather stay in this uncomfortable, depressed state. I had no idea what to do or where to go, I just knew I had to change. I decided to kill my old life.
I got rid of any relationships that dud not serve my higher purpose. Remember, you are a reflection of the people you choose to surround yourself with. If there is something big about someone’s personality that doesn’t seem to align with your values as a person, let them go. This goes for everything, jobs, friends, family, partners, etc.
3: Letting go of self limiting beliefs and more tough love
This… is a hard one. Going from a scarcity mindset to an abundant mindset is SO difficult, especially on top of imposter syndrome, fear of the unknown, and overall anxiety. I know you’ve heard this before, but you just gotta fake it till you make it. But it doesn’t stop there and that’s where people go wrong! You fake it TILL you make it! You have to put the work in until you reach success it won’t just arrive magically no matter the amount of “praying” or “spell work” that you do. Nothing will work until you TRY to make it work.
Accepting failure is key to success. I’ve been listening to a lot of business starting content recently, and one of the biggest thing that I have learned not only for business but for life, is that you won’t get it right the first time. Maybe you will, but chances are slim. However, every time you fail you figure out another piece of the puzzle. Every time you fail you are one failure close to success. It might take you 3 failures, maybe 10. It can be discouraging, but if you stop and really think about everything that you’ve learned from each failure you can do it.
Failing sucks. It doesn’t feel good. No one wants to fail or to lose. But you never know when you’re strategic and passionate if the next try would be the one to success or not. This isn’t just for businesses, it’s for every aspect of life. The person you thought you’d marry ends up not being the one? Now you have better experience to notice sooner with the next one if something isn’t going to work. As long as you actually pay attention to what has been good vs bad, you can eliminate the “bads” more and more in your life. My biggest personal example is when I knew it was time to leave my relationship. I was constantly stressed and when I really sat and though about what I was stressed and upset about, it was always that. I loved my job, my friends, and life in general but I was unhappy in my relationship. Before this, I did the same thing going into horticulture. I worked a bunch of different dead end jobs like cashier, dishwasher, housekeeper, etc. but I was always unhappy working those jobs not matter what. Once I went back to school for horticulture and started working in the field, I didn’t hate work anymore. Once I went to school for horticulture, all of a sudden I didn’t hate school anymore like I did when I was a kid. Its all about finding specifically what in your life you don’t like and changing it. Sometimes you have to try out and dislike multiple things before you find what you really like.
4: Get your money right
Debt SUCKS and it’s scary!!!
If you’re in an extreme amount of debt ($10,000+) you should consider debt consolidation. That helped me so much! If you are at a point where you would be able to afford life if it wasn’t for just your credit card and personal loan debt, I would definitely consider this option. It will destroy your credit for a few years, but if you are secure in housing and income, then do it. You will pay a few hundred dollars every month towards a dedicated account run by the debt consolidation company. The company will have people who’s job it is to call your credit cards for you to negotiate your debt down. Once the credit card accepts an offer, the money that you are already giving the consolidation company will automatically be redistributed to the creditor monthly until whatever amount they settled on is paid off.
If you’re in much more debt than that, I would recommend bankruptcy. Now I know I know, it sounds so scary. But hear me out, it’s really not. Bankruptcy usually doesn’t mean losing everything you own to be able to erase the debts. I filed bankruptcy, wiped away around $50,000 in debt (which included my car, credit cards, personal loans and medical debts) and all it cost me was $1,700. Yes this also meant giving up my car, but I didn’t have to do that. I had the choice to keep my car and keep paying it, but I really wanted to be able to save up which I can’t do while owning this car so I got rid of it.
*I can not offer you any legal advice. I can only speak on my experience personally with bankruptcy. Please contact a REAL bankruptcy lawyer before making any of these decisions.
Contact a bankruptcy lawyer in your area to talk about your options. Chapter 7 is what I did and they did not touch any of my assets (other than my car, which was my choice) There is also Chapter 13 which is a repayment plan. These 2 seem to be the most popular options.
But, this is about more than just debt. Sure it can help a lot, but it can still leave you pretty tight on money. What you should do if you want to save money (which, you should at least have some sort of emergency fund. I know that’s really hard to achieve at some points.) You have to live below your means as much as you can. For me, that meant getting rid of my car and using public transit to be able to put around $800/mo into savings. This will eventually go to another, much cheaper vehicle, Preferably a van to live in! You don’t have to go to this extreme. Some other things that you could do are..
*Get a roommate or move into a smaller house/apartment/maybe even a room.
*Move into a van if that’s your thing.
*Don’t eat out and get strict with your food budget. That seems to be the #1 place that most people seem to let their budget slip.
*Go out less in general. Drive less, shop less, etc.
*Cancel any unnecessary subscriptions
*Sell any random things that you don’t use online or maybe even a yard sale if you have that option.
If you can’t live any more below your means than you already do, then the unfortunate answer is that you need to make more money which I know seems so daunting and stressful. However, did you know that there are THOUSANDS of ways to make passive income online by setting something up once and having it sell forever? Yes this does mean putting in a lot of time and energy upfront, however if you’re willing to do that and are willing to do the work for free for the first few months to a year, then you can definetly generate passive income.
If that’s not really your style, here are some of the ways that I have made extra money
*Offering yard work: This can be as simple as raking leaves or cutting grass.
*Doordash: if you have a drivers license, a car, and are over 18, you can most likely do doordash and possibly other similar delivery services in your area!
*If you find furniture or something usable and random on the side of the road or at the trash, take it, clean it, post on facebook marketplace for a few dollars. Even if you just get $5, it was free so it’s all profit.
5: Find work that aligns with your passions and values
This last one might be the most important, and also sometimes the hardest. What if the people working in your passions are over saturated and underpaid? What if there isn’t work with your passions? What if it doesn’t exist where you live? – Honestly, all excuses. I know this because I used these same excuses. These are also self limiting beliefs. Even if they’re true, they’re manageable. You want to be a window painter? Go to local businesses and ask them if you can paint them something for free. (yes, this sounds CRAZY! However, if you can do an amazing job on this free work, they’ll be reaching out TO YOU to paint something if they ever need it. Plus, you can tag your social media handle on the painting (especially since it’s free work) and that will advertise your work to people passing by too!
You want to draw portraits? Go sit at a busy park and offer them for free, hand out business cards to everyone you draw a portrait for. Tell them you would love to do something like a birthday party or a wedding! Don’t think these opportunities exist around you?
You have two options, make them exist, or move.
This brings me to a side note, if you are able to move to a new city in your 20’s and just figure it out, do it. It will teach you so much. Make sure you secure a job and a place to live and a way to get there and everything first, but honestly it has been the best decision I have ever made.
So… Why is the title talking about changing your life in 3 months? Well..
Honestly, that’s just about how long it took me. It might take more or less time for you, you just have to put the work in and trust that what’s meant to be will be when it’s meant to be.
May 9th 2024: I left my relationship and moved into my mentors house where I would be given until the beginning of August to save up, find a job and a place to live in Minneapolis (16 hrs away)
June 14th 2024: I get a job offer for a job better than I ever could have even dreamed of existing.
June 15th 2024: I get approved for a beautiful apartment at an amazing price for the area.
July 27th 2024: I arrive in Minneapolis
That’s JUST UNDER 3 months. Now I know not everyone will have the opportunity to move somewhere rent free for a little bit to save up money. I know that not everyone has the capabilities of moving to a new city/state. But, you might be surprised at what you might find. Some companies may help you with moving expenses, some companies might offer housing, some might even offer both! Just pick a place (do your research obviously) start looking for jobs online in that general area that are somewhere within your interest (even if you want to be an artist and it’s just a receptionist at an art studio, or if you want to be a tech developer maybe it will be an assistant role at a tech start up. You never know what you’ll find until you look! Especially outside of where you currently live.
Thanks for reading!
Thank you so much for visiting my blog page today! I hope you learned something useful and that you enjoyed! Feel free to leave a comment and let me know what you thought! Did you find any of it helpful? Do you have more questions about anything else? Let me know!
The End
I’m Daniel, creator of danplant. This blog aims to educate people about a variety of things from nature to spirituality. Think of it as a blog for the person who loves the crunchy lifestyle, and is especially fascinated with the planty side of things! With a heavy focus on plant ID and information for both houseplants and wild plants, you can find it all here!
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